Isolation. Forgotten. Invisibility. Unheard. Misunderstood. These are some of states I find myself in daily oftentimes simulataneously to the point of hopelessness. Grounding skills such as crafting, bicycle repair and excercise have helped; however sometimes attention, affection and human interaction is necessary and for most afflicted with this disease longed and yearned for. A person diagnosed with (C)PTSD is oftentimes considered a "lost cause" to past aquaintances, family members, loved ones and friends. They often plead to have "the old you" back. So where does one turn in these circumstances? Online. Social media has provided the tool to communicate electronically as "e friends" as opposed to friends in real life (IRL). The Internet allows those with (C)PTSD and other disablities to engage with people online, offer support, join groups, plan meetups, etc. The thrill of being "followed" or "liked" on Instagram or Facebook adds positive reinforcement for those living in isolation. On the flip side, resentment, grievances, anger, rants - all toxic - oftentimes manifests as status updates as a result of not being heard, being frustrated, invisible or forgotten. When these toxic rants happen online, it is a form of venting - a pressure release in times of isolation - and also a plea to be heard. Engage with rants with caution. Offer support. Never minimize, diagnose or offer therapy advice. Good intentions in this case make a situation worse by making the person with (C)PTSD feel even more irrepairable - a client, not a friend, spouse, etc. but a problem to be fixed. After living in isolation for three years while undergoing physical rehab, mental therapy and mindfulness training, I could not imagine how it would be if social media did not exist. I can recall numerous occasions that I was in need of help and low and behold, the magic of Facebook messenger would come to the rescue. After my last surgery - lipomal removal - I slowly started to reengage fully with the world and became less ashamed of my circumstances and was ready to reemerge as a part of my old self - a community organizer. I helped pick up trash in Oakland Chinatown with a former mentee and friend who now is employed by my former employer where we met! This led to reconnecting with former students and mentees at a soft opening at Bare Knuckle Pizza - all great friends! Upon reflection, isolation and pulling out of it is like shedding skins like a snake or a onion. I went from the mindspace to Cyberspace to IRL (all in varying degrees). Gatherings instead of being a moment to fear (rejection) became moments to enjoy. And for that I am forever grateful to those who offered their support and guidance. The fight isn't over and I haven't given up.
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The holidays are a grueling time for those living with (C)PTSD for a variety of reasons ranging from anxiety, loneliness, depression, abandonment among a host of other emotionally charged states. Partners of those living with the condition may feel helpless and oftentimes unknowingly trigger their loved one. As a method of self-survival partners may leave their other half - alone - which can also trigger those with abandonment histories. This in itself is the tricky nature of the condition. What may work for one - being left alone - may be traumatic for another. Being alone often encourages the mind to race in circles and oftentimes this race plays out when we are in company. So having a taste of both races, I choose to be proactive this Christmas after having a non-productive spouse-less Thanksgiving post-lipoma removal surgery (traumatic in itself). I decided to ride a double century (200 miles) in three days by bicycle on the Bay Area's Bay Trail via Oakland, Alameda, Bay Farm Island, San Leandro, Emeryville, Berkeley, Richmond and the new Bay Bridge to Treasure Island. Saddle sores aside, the ride helped me process my loneliness, the feeling of being abandoned and forgotten; however, that fire was still burning after my final leg of the double century - roughly 85 miles in 8 hours. I returned home after each ride and all my processing came out. Somedays were better than others. The key to exercising with (C)PTSD is not to overtrain - something I'm dealing with. When I get in the "zone," it is almost to the point of selflessness. I forget to eat or drink, my mind preoccupied with pushing harder. This is dangerous especially if one comes home to their loved one(s), spouse, etc. So, as a precaution, if you are exercising as a way to cope with (C)PTSD listen to your body. Have a drink every 20 or so minutes and eat something! Take inventory. Compare. See if it works for you and your partner.
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AuthorDarren Brown, PhD. ArchivesCategories |