"If I could choose, I'd have nothing to lose. But I'd be miserable then, so stay a while my friend. Never given a choice, always following the calling voice. Coming back for me again. And she says, "Jump!" And in the jump you remember the feeling. Maybe you'll never be reaching the ceiling but at least you're not touching the floor." Never O'Clock by Molly Nilsson
It will come. To unfold. Unravel. Reveal. Awaken. Transform. To recognize patterns. Habits. Behaviors seemingly passed on by shadowhand-like DNA wizardry combined with familial, physical and/or emotional blunt trauma. What is it? Bust through the "why?" The me. Investigate. Connect the dots. Make a hard left. Take a new path. The void. Complete darkness. The cacophony of consciousness. The feeling of being watched. The eyes of Shiva. Fentanyl x 2 as the guide. Six arms after twenty some odd nerve cutting attempts. Dislocation remedied by a white sheet. Darkness. Followed by Light. And more darkness. Habitual sadistic familial trauma in times of crisis. Homelessness. Abandonment. Victim blaming. Newlyweds. Financial ruin. Lawsuit. Self care survival strategies. Picking up the pieces. Navigate the in-law maze. Medicated. Sick. Broken. Sad. (Dis)ability. Jesus. Injections and realizations. Reiki. Acupuncture. Herbs. Massage. Wounded warrior. Hypermasculine. HSP. Empath. Self hate. Addiction(s). Anger. Rage. Rehab. Meditation. Cycling. PT. Yoga. Dance. Kettlebell. Pushups. Jungle gym. Walking. Stretchbands. Go Go. Pole Dance. Vitamins. Supplements. Diet. Ketos. Vegan. Pescatarian. Vegetarian. Meat. Chemicals. SSRI. MDMA. Therapy. Search. Seek. Find. Wolf pack. Tribe. Sangha. Connect. Brief moments of joy. Liberation. Sweat. Tenderness. Tears. Sometimes blood. Toil the soil. Add waste. Grinds. Peels. Tea. Stalks. Its decomposition fueling the life below. Sprouts allowed to mature to seed and re-bloom. A cactus stands erect flowering above and below. Baby broccoli hybridity. Watchful trees and Marlboro Black. Coffee and nicotine dreams awaken the fire within as I connect on a plane free from the murk. Detroit. Witness her. Controlling the elements. In a windstorm. Rain. Keeping on. Pulled the plug. Enamored. Looking. She knows. Synthesis. The mask. The monster. How did she come to be? Loom. The taxi. She's off. Amaze and wonder. That night. Awaken. Two men beside me on each side of the hotel bed. A black murky figure comes out of the wall. Grips hands and pulls me in. Scream. Go away. Awake. Contemplate. What is the grip? The twisted desire for drama? For pain? For familiarity? Understanding? Replicate and repeat the process until the soiled sheets shine albeit not nearly as new. Set the sheet on fire. Adorn colors. S.O.S. Social Media Savvy. Blossom in the night. Revisit the haunts called home. Seek solace in others. Lust. Long to connect. To be touched. Reap the physical rewards. Experience adoration from a distance. Connect without obligation or expectation. Resign hope. Resign desire. Totally immerse one's being in the physical space and find moments of joy within interplay and connectivity. The cherry blossoms have already bloomed. The flowering and withering of Jade plants coincides with body sculpting. New sensations. Look and touch. On the box adoration. Documentation. Praise. Repeat the cycle. Reach within the search. Make new objectives. Scissors guide and assist revealing elements. Alchemy in synthesis and desire. Transforming habits. Wrestling demons. Getting reacquainted. Witness her on the screen. Shouting in Japanese. Leathered up. Strapped. The sinister laugh. The slap. The power. The control. Patterns. Cycles. Sometimes predetermined. Craft excites. To mold. With or without volition. To be side by side. The byproducts of obsession. She. Scars. Imprinted. Homeless. Multiple. Musing. Creating. Creatrix. Peacock. Femme. Wounded. Mend. Flight. Witness. We explore the haunted. Grasping in the dark. Found in the wanderlust of spontaneity. Destination unknown. Vagabonds fueling up for another quest. Bumming around. They often go. Marry. Find home in the homeless. Often the lost of Israel. Neapolitan outcomes. Shift of priorities. Heteronormativity. Bowie betrayals. The box. Nuclear family dreams. Consumption. Vicarious living. Expectation gone wild. Her scar. Revealing. Kwan Yin. Compassion. Kwan Kung loyalty. Unspoken understanding. Working in concert. Finding home in each other. She glides her hands across the table littered with devices encased in ABS plastic and metal. Wires. Knobs. Twiddling. Noise. Craft. Vinyl. Gloves. Catsuit. Of German. Of Japanese. Chaotic musings disclosing fierce opposition. She of leather. Of vinyl. Stamped. Othered. Beyond. Rotate the dial. Tune in Tokyo. Realize the lost sisters. AWOL. Reemerge. Face the fear. Clip cut reassemble. Break back slug eaten leaves. Weed the garden. Reap the reward(s) manifesting out of the darkness.
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AuthorDarren Brown, PhD. ArchivesCategories |