My desire to leave permanent marks on my body sprang forth from a period of immense loss. I had lost my maternal grandmother, my good friend lost her first love and 9/11 happened. Empathy overload. Emotionally depleted and drained. I was empty and needed a transition - a change. I imagined three black bars on my inner left arm to signify the period I had survived - good luck and bad luck comes in threes. The resulting two years were filled with more negativity - so I re-imagined the bars with the first and third bars broken on the right. As a result, I had many passerby ask if my tattoos were derived from the I Ching or Chinese hexagrams. One student aide exclaimed "Sam Yup" to identify the southern Cantonese speaking areas of the Pearl River Delta. Some students read my "attempt" at I Ching tattoos as faulty Juk Sing "Banana-ness" translating my marks as "bad heaven" or "creative heaven." After consulting The Book of Changes, I found the meaning: constant conflict. So true. Did such markings manifest from from my Chinese lineage? Perhaps. After lipomal removal, I decided to mark this transition by an act of rebirth and the shedding of skins. So I started to think of ways I could incorporate the these "Chinese" tattoos with new work while simultaneously transforming and acknowledging them. A pretty big task. After much thought, I came up with a recipe that excited me. Lum-chan the main character of the classic Japanese Anime series Urusei Yatsura immediately came to mind. Her character wears a tiger striped bikini and leg warmers and goes well with my Chinese zodiac (I am also an Aquarius Rising). She has horns and grows fangs when she gets angry. She is angry, when she is in love. I consider Lum my spirit anime. I also had been thinking of octopus tentacles for many years. I imagine them providing grip on my bars as I ride my bike for protection. I also identify with the peacock - beautiful and dangerous. So peacock feathers were added to the ink list. Then an unfolding lotus above the original bars. My artist - a shop owner in my hometown of Alameda who also happens to be my old homie and classmate - drew the piece freehand and meticulously completed the job flawlessly with his workmanship and style. The right arm was completed within three sessions and we moved on to the left. The left arm, we decided to do a bit different taking a Lum-chan model and giving it a twist - comic book / anime / graffiti / Filipino American / Bay Area style. So far a chrysanthemum flower hovers over the three bars and tentacles were also added. Eventually returning to the right, I foresee cherry blossom tree branches with falling blossoms and Chinese dragon clouds (similar to one found on Chinese tableware). Within these sessions, I undergo needling that for most is painful; however, I am familiar with immense pain and suffering. Somehow tattooing is pleasurable, spiritual and an immediate transformative experience - all at once. And once the decision is made, there is no going back. Perhaps this may be the reason why so many survivors of (C)PTSD reclaim there bodies through the art of tattooing by reconnecting with painful sensations that are controlled and decided on one's own terms and imagination. Through this process one may find freedom. A moment of liberation. An opportunity. A moment of clarity. Joy. As the door opens and leads to another path.
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AuthorDarren Brown, PhD. ArchivesCategories |